


But I Turn Around And Close My Eyes

by goanty



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (kind of...up to you to interpret), Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Young Love, back 2 u is my jam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 13:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12865629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goanty/pseuds/goanty
Summary: It's funny that things have limits. Doyoung realizes this a bit too late.





	But I Turn Around And Close My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> pls enjoy this dojae fic :) it's one of my fave otps lmao.

 

_"Doyoung-_ hyung _, I'll just get something in my room, okay?"_

 

_"Huh? Ugh, whatever, don't pull my sleeve, Jaehyun," Doyoung snapped, obviously annoyed and tired. The younger had insisted Doyoung stop by his house before heading home, then left the older alone in the living room before running upstairs. Still clad in his uniform with a heavy bag he haphazardly threw beside him on the sofa, Doyoung swore that any second longer and he would snap Jaehyun's neck._

 

_After a while of hearing a bunch of noises upstairs and the taunt of the sun disappearing from outside the window, Doyoung stood up with fury to leave. Before he could though, a bouquet of flowers of gradient petals made itself presentable in front of_ Doyoung's _eyes. Behind it was the smiling face of a dimpled boy with bright eyes, hand proudly holding the stems_ wrapped with _decorative papers and a ribbon._

 

_"Hold up! Sorry, sorry. I''m not good with lining papers. I don't know what flowers these are, but they're beautiful. Like you. Happy first anniversary!" Jaehyun blushed. The boyish grin he had on was proof of his youth along with his smooth skin and the plumpness of his cheeks that puberty has yet to will away. Awed, Doyoung forgot to accept the bouquet offered to him, causing Jaehyun's face to grow a red shade darker. He pushed it into_ Doyoung's _fingers with his own clammy ones, cringing at the violent crinkle the pink paper made._

 

_"Um, please say something?"_

 

_"It's a carnation, you dumbo. And our anniversary is not until, let me see, one, two, four days later. Have you forgotten?" That wasn't really the response Jaehyun was hoping for. Doyoung was aware of the harshness of the words he said in a haze, but in_ reality _he was just totally flustered. He never was good at accepting compliments much_ less _gifts of love. The whimper and pout Jaehyun made_ was _enough to bring Doyoung back to his senses._

 

_"Yeah, I know. But you'll be leaving for Jeju with your family in two days. Having to spend our anniversary separated is lonely enough for me. I want to at least have a celebration with you before you return home from your vacation. That's why I planned this for earlier," Jaehyun scratched the back of his head, feeling embarrassed._

 

_Ever so gently, a wide smile assembled itself on the older's face and his eyes watered slightly (not really slightly) without him noticing. Jaehyun's eyes widened at seeing his boyfriend crying but before he could speak, Doyoung threw his warm arms around him and buried his face on Jaehyun's shoulder._

 

_"Ah, your breath tickles!" Jaehyun giggled, feeling pleasantly assaulted as he held Doyoung tighter._

 

 

**[Four years later]**

 

"Doyoung-hyung? It's me. Jaehyun. Just, uh, just wanted to know how you're doing. I didn't see you around in campus this week. Professor Park said you haven't attended his class for three days now. I know he doesn't record attendance but I think it's better if you show up. Just to, um, to get on his good side. Though I don't think you need to attend to ace the class haha. Um, Johnny-hyung is having a party at his place this weekend too. All his friends are invited and he's asking if you can come..."

 

Doyoung lies on his side on the edge of his bed, eyes mindlessly staring at the horrendous cat poster he taped there when he was a freshman. The rest of Jaehyun's voice message is tuned out to incoherent ramblings of "listings" and "requirements" and another party Doyoung is sure will end in a hangover because it's Johnny's. Jaehyun goes on to ramble the usual like things happening around the campus and stuff about Jaehyun's life and all. His tone is cheerful, sweet even, yet Doyoung can't terminate the bitterness of hearing the younger's voice.

 

After a minute, an awkward laugh is cut-off. Doyoung proceeds to tap on the second voice message, inwardly cursing himself for being such a masochist. Jaehyun's voice vibrates as Doyoung holds his phone in his clammy hands.

 

"Oh, sorry. I forgot these things have a limit. It's funny how I can say a lot of things under a minute, right? Haha."

 

A pause. Doyoung thinks, _You're right. It's funny that things have limits._

 

"Um, yeah. So, again about the party, hope you'll able to make it. I'm not good with Math and we have an upcoming test so it'd be great if we meet."

 

_Do you want to meet me? Then don't leave._

 

"Since you're an exceptional mentor and a god at math. I also want to meet you because...I miss you. I miss you a lot. I haven't seen you for how many days already. I haven't seen you smile. I miss you laughing at me, even if it's for a mean reason. I still—57 seconds, fuck. Gimme a sec."

 

Doyoung can't help but chuckle despite the intensity of Jaehyun's words. Jaehyun always found a way to make him laugh no matter how silly clumsy or annoying he acted.

 

Doyoung can admit this.

 

What Doyoung can't want to admit though is that he's fighting the urge to cry against his pillow. He doesn't want to admit that the reason for the heavy load on his heart is because of the same person speaking through his phone. He doesn't know why he still opens Jaehyun's voice messages, doesn't know why the younger prefers voice over text. He also doesn't know why Jaehyun still sends him messages everyday even when Doyoung never replies to him.

 

He doesn't remember when their relationship had begun to take a sour turn. Or maybe just a sour turn on his part because when Jaehyun confronted him, the younger asked, "Why does it look like you're giving up on us, hyung?!"

 

_Why indeed?_ Stained cheeks and irritated eyes, Doyoung wonders as well, holding onto the edge of his pillow as if it were Jaehyun's hand.

 

Doyoung can't erase that day from his memories. The hurt and frustration on Jaehyun's face illuminated by the dim campus streetlights engraved itself painfully on Doyoung's mind along with tears that weren't meant to be shed on such a special day. It was their fifth anniversary, their fifth year of having each other's hearts intertwined. Doyoung doesn't remember—or rather refuses to remember—much about that day aside from the fight. Though he could vaguely recall being stressed over his impending graduation and overhearing a bunch of juniors talking about how Jung Jaehyun was planning to attend his masters in the U.S.A., which Doyoung knew because Jaehyun told him. While smiling. In front of Jaehyun's family. They knew.

 

Doyoung felt like the world wanted to rub the fact onto his face. And Doyoung couldn't be so selfish as to beg Jaehyun to stay in Korea, where Doyoung is. He wasn't courageous enough to go and follow Jaehyun either. "I'll make sure to always have the time to call and message you. I'll also go back every vacation if I have the money," Jaehyun whispered into his neck while they were in bed the night Doyoung learned of his plans to depart. The older had his back turned to him, understandably aggravated by the revelation. "Even if we'll be miles apart, I'll still love you, hyung. You'll always be in my mind for every second and day."

 

_Long-distance relationships are always at a higher risk of ending_ , goes unsaid by Doyoung and Jaehyun. Jaehyun kissed Doyoung's cheek when he said nothing.

 

Rain starts to pour from outside, droplets violently hitting the balcony floor. Even though he doesn't want to listen to the third and last message, he still opens it. It buffers and Doyoung takes a deep breath. 

 

 

 

_"Hmm, I love you,_ Jaehyun. _" Doyoung whispered in his ear. It wasn't_ everyday _that Doyoung initiated the 'I love_ yous _.' It took a lot of coercing from Jaehyun back then before Doyoung could accept his feelings for the younger. And it took slightly longer for Doyoung to tell those three words to Jaehyun who profusely proclaimed his love for Doyoung_ everyday _. The younger's eyes twinkled brighter than before, his dimples caving in impossibly deeper. 'The face of pure love,' Doyoung thought to himself. Just like the deep red_ carnations _Jaehyun gave him._

 

_Jaehyun nuzzled his face on_ Doyoung's _soft hair, silently thanking the heavens for having this person in his arms reciprocate his infatuation. "I love you too, Doyoung. I love you a lot."_

 

_Night was falling and Jaehyun's parents could probably arrive any moment, but none of them gave a damn as comfortable arms wrapped around necks and lips pressed beautifully against each other. Doyoung didn't tell his boyfriend about the gift he was hiding in his bag right then. Now that he knows that Jaehyun thought the same as him, he felt a little less shy._

 

_Doyoung couldn't deny that he was in love. Looking at the eyes of his Jaehyun who looked like he held the world for him, he hoped to keep this forever._

 

 

 

"I still love you so much Doyoung."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! :D


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